This past week has been a roller coaster of emotions. One day, I'll feel so upset and uncomfortable and homesick, and the next, feel so lucky to be living my life. Without a doubt, doing this homestay is one of the most difficult things I've ever done, and while I think it's worth it, it's definitely a struggle for me. Thankfully, I joined a gym - it's been my saving grace. Earlier this week I was miserable - definitely at my lowest point since living in Jordan - and then I went for a run, and it all went away. I'm so busy that making time for the gym is a bit difficult, especially when it's a half hour walk from my house, but I feel so much better after that it's well worth it to go, even if it means waking up early and going before class.

And things are getting more comfortable with my family; I'm sure in another month most of the awkwardness will be gone. I think my host mom/sister is possibly one of the coolest people ever. There are so many things I want to ask her about - I can't wait until we're closer. Amaal married into this family, so she lives with her husband, Maher, and her mother-in-law, Shireen, and then pretty much their whole family, since they're always here. I have so much respect for her for a number of reasons, but mostly for submitting to living in someone else's home. Shireen is obviously in charge - it's her family and friends that are always here - never Amaal's. I was actually worried that Amaal never even saw her family, but she told me this week that she goes there every day after work, which made me feel better. Amaal just seems like someone who, born into American culture, would be a total high-powered single woman working some fancy job in a big city. She's fashionable and gorgeous, but also sort of a bad-ass, not to mention an awesome mother. The two kids, Laith (9) and Tala (6), are extremely polite and well-behaved, not to mention raised on a diet completely void of junk food. She's definitely not what I would consider as a typical Arab mother, but then again this is Amman . . . which leads me to my next point . . .

Thursday night, Amaal and I were sitting out on the patio smoking sheesha, and she asked me what my family thought about me coming here. (She speaks perfect English btw; not good for my Arabic.) I explained about how it's hard for a lot of people to understand, because they are so ignorant about the culture here. I know so much about life here so I can't even really imagine what goes on in people's heads - but my idea of American ignorance is that they think all Arabs are Muslims and all Muslims are fundamentalists/terrorists who live in tents and build bombs or some dumb shit like that. I'm not sure. "Yeah, I think they think we ride camels to work," she said. "But really, at least here in Amman, our lives are so similar." I concur. I mean obviously there are slight cultural differences, but this family could easily live in the States. Like that night, also on the patio was her son, Laith, who was wrapped up in a blanket, trying not to fall asleep, because he didn't want to stop playing Angry Birds on his dad's iPhone. Yeah, Amaal is Muslim. Yeah, she wears hijab. But A. it's her choice; she didn't use to. B. it doesn't make her any less modern or intelligent or whatever else someone might think about people that wear hijab.